Wrestling With God
Lessons from a jail cell 
by Barbara T. Marshall

The year 2008 started off more differently than they could have ever imagined! Living in the Netherlands on Christmas Eve, Klaas and his kids decided to light fireworks, like everyone else. Unexpectedly, one of his neighbors became very angry and suddenly attacked him.  Klaas soon shook him off; however, the man attacked him once again.  The third time the man went for Klaas, he was trying to choke him around a light post. In a panic, Klaas reached in his pocket and grabbed his pocket knife.  Out of fear and sheer panic, he stabbed his attacker eleven times! Unbelievably, both men stumbled
to their homes, and both called the police immediately. That night Klaas ended up in jail and his neighbor in intensive care.  In critical condition, it was uncertain if the man would live.

Klaas was supposed to go to trial and maybe even be sentenced. However, four months later, he was still in jail and waiting for a trial. It was so hard on his family, as he had three young children.  He had lost the company car and his job, and Joke, his wife, felt like a single mother. The trial was to start within a week. The congregation prayed
more then ever before, hoping and expecting great miracles. Their church planter was in jail.  This couple who had always done everything right, loved their neighbors as themselves, gave 100 percent, and shined in their neighborhood had now been challenged to keep going. A complete nightmare!

I imagined the neighbors talking amongst themselves and asking, "Is this really a Christian?" "Is that what Christianity is about?"  Klaas thought that because he was in jail, he was supposed to minister to the other inmates.  Unfortunately, the others had no interest.  He could not understand what had happened, and could not believe that he was in jail because he did not start the fight. Klaas was held in contempt, and not allowed any visitors for the first two months. It was almost as if he was in hiding.

Klaas shared with me that during this time he became part of a brand new world, "the court system".  The court system was not interested in what a Christian is, and saw Klaas as a criminal!  Klaas said, "My spiritual level was shook up, stirred up and I just wanted to hide." He said that when you are pushed with your nose on the facts of life, how can you keep going?

He shared that he was living his life, and he had put God in the rescue boat, and was steering the ship himself. Is that not often the case with all of us?  We are the ones steering and God is put in the rescue boat.  I wonder if Klaas got to the point in jail of feeling like such of failure, believing he was no good, worthless, and possibly saw his light dimming. How could he, the one that almost murdered someone, call himself a
Christian?

How could God use him? He kept witnessing to other prisoners and no one was
interested.  He said he had to realize that he was not the one who was going to choose how to save others.  It made him doubt himself and wonder what the reason was for being in this situation. Why was he there to begin with?  He constantly felt like he was wrestling with God and putting God back in the rescue boat, instead of allowing Him to steer the whole ship.

Klaas had not allowed his own children to testify. The only other witness was a little girl who had missed most of the fight that night, and had not paid much attention. The result?  A very angry man who screamed murder, and Klaas who cried out to God, Why?!  Klaas was sentenced to another six months in jail. The pain and agony, and the heaviness of the situation seemed to take the luster out of Joke and her struggle to keep going.  When she heard that Klaas was going to stay in jail, it was more than she could handle, so she had prayed very hard and had been so very patient.  Why did God not
rescue them?

Four weeks ago, I received an unexpected phone call. My mother called to let me know that Klaas was released out of jail early and sent home. The joy of his wife was tremendous; and Klaas shared the most amazing testimony during our interview. I do not recall seeing anyone so on fire for God. He said, "I have used my gift of evangelizing and church planting more than ever before. It did not seem to make any difference."

Then he continued, "My faith has grown tremendously in jail. I am not steering the wheel of my ship, but Jesus is. I am like Jacob that came out of the river with a limp of a
criminal record.  However, the wrestling with God in jail was for Him to get me back on focus, and to help me realize that after being twenty-four years a Christian, it was time to 'let God and let go'.  The most amazing thing is that I cannot stop talking about my experience. I did not reach the inmates but I began to evangelize and make a connection with the judge, attorney, probation officers, work colleagues and anybody I meet. I tell them the truth. I have my job back and once again a company car. Most important of all, now I longed to show the world. I am not angry.  I have paid a big price, and I have Jesus back in my life as number one".  Klaas shared that even Joke had shared that she never had grown so much in her faith as during this time. God was steering their ship and no longer just sitting in the rescue boat.